Tag Archive for sex

Eros Evolving

I take a seat in the back row of folding chairs in Piedmont Veteran’s Hall. While the crew checks the microphones and PowerPoint setup, a middle-aged woman comes down the aisle, bent over a four-wheel Rollator. She stops at a chair and struggles to make the move from standing to sitting. She adjusts an oversized fanny pack that’s slung over… Read more →

Erotic(a) Regrets

One regret I have about quitting my job as an erotic fiction writer so many years ago is that I never got to write my leper story. The one where, during the act of love-making with his missionary, the protagonist with leprosy literally falls apart. Read more →

Erotic(a) Regrets

One regret I have about quitting my job as an erotic fiction writer so many years ago is that I never got to explore the intimate relationship between dentist and patient. “After I drain this abscess of yours, Mrs. Rodriguez, I’m going to pound you so hard we’ll need to cap all of your molars.” Read more →

Gay Ass Faggot

The “gay ass faggot” comment has appeared on a number of our Greg and Lou videos. The comment annoys me, because, I feel like if I were gay, I’d be more of a “gay mouth faggot.” I guess I have to accept that YouTube commenters see something in me that I just don’t see. Read more →

Vibrator

I’m a thrifty bachelor. I got deals flooding my inbox all day. They’re coming from far and wide: Amazon, Groupon, Living Social, Thrillist, Urban Daddy, Zozi. I love me a good deal—that’s why in June of 2012, when an offer from kgbdeals for two bullet vibrators for $19 came through my inbox, I had to jump on it. I had… Read more →

Enjoy It, Because I Can’t

It was Natalie’s idea to meet at the Griffith Observatory. It was one of her favorite places, and I had never been—I was still kinda new to Los Angeles—so it was a perfect first-date spot. I arrived early—right on time, actually. I parked my rental car in the main lot closest to the Observatory and walked over to the Astronomer’s… Read more →

Should We Lose Cabin Pressure

“Should We Lose Cabin Pressure” is my first story. I wrote it in 2006, during my second semester of grad school at the City College of New York. At the time I was studying under author/professor Mark Mirsky. It was the first of two fiction workshops we’d have together. Technically other stories came before “Should We Lose Cabin Pressure.” Like… Read more →

Not An Erotic(a) Regret

Talia was training for a half-Ironman when she messaged me on OkCupid to ask: “…Of all the erotic sentences you wrote during that post-college stint, would you mind sharing your all-time favorite?” It turns out my favorite line of smut is also the best line I’ve ever written: “I felt like I was all dick, and no humanity.” Read more →

Dialogue

Mom: I worry. Son: Please don’t. We were safe. Mom: Did you wear a condom? Son: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Mom: Why? You don’t like this girl? Son: What? No, I do like her. But you still have to wear condoms. Mom: Why? She don’t wantta have a baby? Son: I don’t wantta have a baby. Mom: Then how… Read more →

Every Woman’s James Franco Fantasy

My ex-girlfriend has a crush on James Franco. She’s not the only person who does, I know, but that didn’t make it any less annoying when we were dating. Because anytime James Franco would pop up on the television or we’d pass his image on a billboard or cover of a magazine, my ex would giggle. A grown woman giggling.… Read more →